I get really freakin' pissed off sometimes. At the world. At myself. When others don't recognize or acknowledge what I'm capable of. When I don't have the confidence in myself to tell them.
When someone blows me off or puts me down or belittles my dreams, I think to myself: Just you wait and see... I'll show you! Then I promptly brood for hours about how rude that person was and how I'll take the world by storm until I'm so exhausted that all I can muster is a nap or a Netflix binge.
I feel like I have this great potential inside, but I have no idea how to excavate it, and even less idea how to nurture it so that it can become something valuable. I believe we all have a special something, and it's our job here on earth to find and express it. Elizabeth Gilbert says "The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them." I worry that I'll never find the jewels, that they'll remain hidden and my potential will go completely untapped my entire life.
But what if, during these times of doubt and uncertainty, I could use this energy and anger as fuel to propel myself forward?
Every time I find myself in this situation with these thoughts and this desperate need to succeed - if I can get still long enough - I always come to the same realization:
I just have to keep going.
It's actually not about anyone else and what they think of me. It's about my own dreams for myself. I have to keep being true to myself. I have to keep doing what I feel led to do, keep practicing, keep being humble and kind, keep honoring my truest dreams for myself, keep pushing myself, keep facing my fears, keep asking for help. And I have to believe that eventually I will get "there", wherever there is. I have to believe that it will all become clear as I move forward. You know what they say: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And faith is taking that first step even when you can't see the whole staircase. And of course, if the path before you is clear, you're probably on someone else's. I could go on and on.
So. When the going gets tough, and I lack motivation or inspiration and I just want to give up; when I'm lost and confused and lacking direction - I try to remember how pissed I was! And I try to use that to push myself forward. Use that as motivation to do just a little bit more. Use that as an excuse to keep working while everyone else is partying or sleeping or goofing off.
Don't get upset, depressed or unmotivated - GET GOING.
Till next time,
© Haley McManigal 2016
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