For some reason, I expect that when something is “right” in my life, I will hear angels sing and be in a constant state of euphoria, a happiness induced high that will last forever. But lets get real, that’s ridiculous. What I have experienced in real life instead, when something is “right”, is more like blankness or indifference. It’s kind of like when you have a toothache. Until you have the toothache, you never even give your teeth a second thought, its like they are not even there. But when it starts to hurt, you can’t get it off you mind, it’s always there nagging you to fix it. How unfair to your poor teeth that they never get any attention until something is wrong! But that’s how I experience life situations too.
For example: When I got married, I quit my job and moved to Nashville. I didn’t have any idea what a major effect it would have on me. I was excited for the new adventure and excited for our new life together there. But after a few months, I knew that it was not right. I didn’t want to admit it or accept it and I definitely did not want to ask Dan to leave his new job, but I was miserable. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was so wrong about it, but I just knew that it was not right. Luckily, Dan was feeling the same way, and we got ourselves back home. Now that we’re back in Knoxville, it is not like I’m ecstatic to be here. I am just at peace with living here. I don’t even think about it. There is just a sense of rightness, nothing profound or particularly enlightening, just a simple knowing that I am where I’m supposed to be. This experience is much less glamorous or exciting than the singing angels that I imagined, but that's ok. It's reality, and it's my life, so I'll take it.
I sometimes wonder if I’m on the right track in certain areas of my life. My career has been that nagging toothache for a while now, something that I just can’t get off my mind. But lately with my new job, I’m starting to think about it less and less, which in my experience is a good thing. A very good thing indeed! I used to wonder the same thing in relationships until I met my wonderful husband Dan. Now, I never question my relationship with my husband. We fight sometimes and have our issues just like every other couple on the planet, but I do not sit around wondering if maybe I should not have married him. It almost seems too simple, but if you are questioning something at all, then it is probably not right. Maybe its not entirely wrong either, but something just needs to be adjusted so that you can get back to that peaceful place.
.I want to get to that place of peace in every area of my life. Some days I feel like I’m getting pretty close, and others I feel like I may never get there. But then again, I’m alive - and trials and challenges and growth are what it means to live. So maybe I should just embrace the challenges and enjoy the ride.